Day uno, eh. So I decided to start a blog, cue the epic fanfare and parades. I guess I should tell you the reason why I started this. As I wrote on my about page, I have been struggling with depression, anxiety, self-esteem and self-worth issues – plus extra bonus issues for the low, low price of $9.95! – for many years now.
At first, it wasn’t so bad. I was mostly alone all the time so no one saw my imperfections, which was cool by me. I also had plenty of acquaintances to spend my weekends partying with, and that was also cool by me. I had fun, I worked hard at whatever job I had at the time, and I went home and spent some days totally happy and others totally miserable with myself, hiding away in my apartment-cocoon. It was an okay existence by my low standards at the time. But now, my avoidance of my issues doesn’t work anymore – I have real friends and an amazing boyfriend who care about me and don’t let me get away with crap. They challenge me continuously to be a better version of myself, and I owe it to them to conquer my fears and start living an authentic life.
So I said goodbye to my monthly shoe purchasing budget (just kidding, it’s groceries!) and started seeing a counsellor. While I haven’t had any hugely surprising breakthroughs yet (I’ve been twice so far), it has opened my eyes to the fact that there are tools out there to help me and I just need to frickin’ do it already. My counsellor told me to read “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown which at first I thought sounded a lot like, “Here’s a stupid self-help book with really obvious information in it.” That was not the case. Ever the A+ student, I read the book and actually enjoyed it. It’s real, practical and grounded in research – perfect for my analytical, logical mind. But it also challenges us to think beyond logic and embrace imperfection, failure, the feeling of not being good enough… and to be okay with those feelings. A novel concept in our North American society, that’s for sure.
But it’s freeing. So freeing to realize that you are good enough, right here, right now, not just if you get that raise or lose the last five pounds.
So, I’m writing this blog to document my journey from a place of darkness to a wholehearted life. Of course I still struggle, I’m new at this liking-myself thing. But I’m going to write about it, and I’m hoping that’s going to keep me going.
If you’re interested in understanding more what I mean when I say things like “authentic life”, “wholehearted living” and “good enough”, check out Brené’s blog. She always posts really great articles touching on subjects from her books, and they’re quite inspiring. Clearly they inspired me, because here I am.